Hindsight and Retrospect


I was doing a series of Primarch pictures – in which I was attempting to draw all the Warhammer 40/30k Primarchs as a series of pictures. I don’t know what happened, but somewhere along the line I lost all confidence in my character artwork and stopped doing them.

I’ve had a lot happen since I dropped this WIP of Alpharius and while I am not sure if picking up this picture (and the project) is going to happen anytime soon I am glad I found it in my WIPs folder. I certainly don’t feel as bad about it as I did when I was in the process of creating it.

Finding it made me look back and reflect on what has been happening recently. With the help of my lovely commissioners and friends I am feeling a lot happier and more confident in myself and my artwork. I no longer feel embarrassed about having a Degree in Illustration. It no longer feels like going to University was such a huge waste of time. I know I am not ‘high profile’ in the way that University would want me to be but I am still drawing and creating (usually daily) and that’s something in itself; how many of my University course mates can say the same? I’ve managed to keep up with drawing while raising my son too, which is a milestone in itself!

So, while finding this WIP is a bit of a reminder of where I was and how I was feeling about artwork (Like giving up, truth be told) and how far I have come since this day.

10 responses to “Hindsight and Retrospect”

  1. I’m sorry you ever felt that way and I hope that it only happened as an unavoidable imballance of chemicals in your brain rather than as a result of an actual analysis of your work and history. Your academic history shouldn’t determine your success later in life. I know people who are working in a field of art that aren’t enjoying themselves despite making a living from what they studied (as a result of being overworked). Myself… I studied computer animation and I work in the care industry! But I don’t feel like it was a waste because i developed socially, made friends I’m still in touch with (many I recently reconnected with after a decade).

    You’re are is great! At least in my own opinion. It may be some people’s favourite and some people may not be into it at all… But then that’s the nature of art right? Which is why it shouldn’t be the case but is always too easy for artists to beat themselves up about there work for not being “good” enough. You do your thing, and enjoy it. If people like it… BONUS! I see your art all over Twitter, random people I had no idea you have had contact with clearly displaying your recognisable style in their avatars that’s very cool! But it should be what validates the value of your efforts.

    That being said I’m really glad that you feel a lot better about things now for whatever reason. Keep up the good work, it’s never wasted time.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think I just didn’t feel god enough to be drawing and representing Warhammer/40k in my art and I guess I had a lot of mental daemons about it. But you hit the nail on the head with your next paragraph; it’s not going to please everyone and I’ve made my peace with that fact and am glad that there are people out there that do like my art and display it proudly as their Twitter/Facebook icons (Which is so awesome to see it blows my mind!)

      I felt like my Illustration degree was a waste, because although I draw every day I’d not been doing anything with it other than sharing it on here. Again, making peace with that fact has really helped.

      Thank you very much for this very thoughtful comment. Encouragement like this is really appreciated.

      I’ll keep drawing so long as I can hold a pencil!


      • Glad to hear it. The only waste would be you not using your tallent long as you enjoy it.

        My mother would say things to me like “it’s such a waste that you don’t use your talent for something, why don’t you sell your drawings?

        Excuse me? Screw off! It’s not wasted… It’s there for me to use when I want to use it, I don’t owe it to my innate or learned ability to draw.

        You do the things you do that give you fulfilment and joy. If it benifits you in any other way, fantastic.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I think that has been a big part of the issues I have faced as well. The pressure to attribute money to everything that I create. I think that’s why I have often ‘ditched’ the character drawings in search of other artistic avenues. The selfimposed pressure to make money from my art in one way or another; which looking at it comes from how I was raised.

        Shrugging that mentality off has been really difficult, but I’m coming through it. Yes. I take commissions. Yes. I get paid for them, but not enough for a reliable, solid income. I get to draw fun things and BONUS, I get a few pennies which in turn helps me hobby. It’s a good position to be in and I enjoy it too!

        Having said that, you don’t owe anyone artwork unless you want to do it for yourself first.


      • Yeah, I only “work” for someone now if I’m prepared to do it for free, then if they insist on paying I tell them to pay what they think it’s worth. I can’t be bothered to fall out with people about something stupid like a the value of something I made, I would rather not do it at all

        Liked by 1 person

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